What I've learned as a mother...

I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day.  It seems to have gone over pretty well.  Some of you wanted to read it, so here it is...    

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!     J

I am so blessed to have 6 incredible children, and 1 fantastic son-in-law… I’m so happy to have all of them here today, except for my son, who is finishing up his last week at college for this semester. Heavenly Father new I needed so much help that he blessed me with the very best!  They’ve tolerated and survived my many mistakes and weaknesses and they love me anyway.  I am truly grateful to them for that!

In THE FAMILY PROCLAMATION, it states: “the first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood and… that God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”  Heavenly Father has commanded us to become parents!  This applies to both men and women, but since I am a mother and today is Mothers Day, I’ve been asked to share What I’ve learned as a Mother.  

On sharing what I’ve learned as a mother, my disclaimer is that I have learned so much but I have definitely not perfected these qualities, and as my children can attest, I am still very much in the learning stage.

As I discuss these things, I also want to be sensitive to those who have not had the opportunity to have children of their own by emulating the words of our prophets and apostles in saying that such childless women have the opportunity, privilege and obligation to love and serve the youth of the world by mothering in their own way, to lead and love and teach in whatever way they are able.  As they use their talents and abilities to assist in bringing up the next generation, they will ultimately have all of the opportunities, blessings and privileges that come with motherhood.

Our Heavenly Father’s plan is perfect!  He knew there was no better way for us to learn and grow, and to develop God-like qualities, than by becoming parents.  Parenthood gives us the opportunity to develop and practice the skills we need to become like Him, to become God’s and Goddesses.   

As a mother, I’ve learned to appreciate diversity and to recognize divinity in others:  My oldest daughter, Claudia, once told me, (and yes, it was in a moment of frustration for her) that just because a parent is older than a child, doesn’t mean that their spirit is more mature… and I have humbled myself to believe that this is true.  All spirits come to earth with different strengths and abilities, different spiritual gifts, “that all might be profited thereby”.  I have learned that if we will observe and acknowledge the innate strengths that our children have, there is much we can learn from them.  Because some of my children don’t necessarily fit into, what I call, the “normal” peghole, I’ve grown to recognize the talents and qualities that are uniquely theirs.  I’ve been able to learn to appreciate my own talents and to be more accepting of myself and others because I see that we don’t all fit into the same peghole.  As children of God, we all have something valuable to contribute in our own special way.   Because of the wonderful and unique qualities that my children have, I have a desire to be a better person and develop and share my talents with others.

As a mother, I’ve learned to serve:  There is much work involved in being a mother.  You start out with a little infant and they depend on you for everything!   It can be exhausting at times caring for a young child and when you add multiple children, older children with bigger problems,.. etc… it can still be very emotionally and physically exhausting.  With the work that is required to care for and raise a family, a mother can feel overwhelmed, overworked, and under appreciated… I’ve felt that way at times… but I’ve learned that when you serve your family with a cheerful heart because you love them and because you want to serve them, the job becomes more pleasant.  As I’ve served my children and my family I’ve been able to develop my skills and that has increased my ability to serve others.

As a mother, I’ve learned to be grateful:  The Lord is so mindful of our needs and the needs of our children, there have been so many times that He has blessed and protected and watched over my children.  I am so grateful for his tender mercies as He blesses and watches over our family.

As a mother, I’ve learned humility:  As I’ve lacked the skills or the confidence to accomplish motherly tasks, I’ve had to turn to the Lord for strength.  I’ve been strengthened in receiving help from others.  I’ve had to admit many times when I was wrong… many, many times.  I’ve had to repent and humble myself to ask the forgiveness of my children… and they are so generous, they always forgive, and continue to love me despite my many weaknesses. 

As a mother, I’ve learned about responsibility and agency:  In helping my children to become intelligent, capable human beings, I’ve tried to help them to learn to make good choices and to take responsibility for their choices.  Proverbs 22:6 reads, “Train up a ^bchild in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  If a parent is too controlling, a child may be less capable of making correct choices on their own.  We can handicap our children by rescuing them all the time.  Sometimes we need to let them fail so that they can learn from the consequences of their mistakes, just as our Heavenly Father lets us make choices and learn from our mistakes.  Agency and Responsibility are an important part of our spiritual development.

As a mother, I’ve learned to pray and to have faith:  When my daughter Ramsay was born, she had some complications and was in the NICU at St. Joe’s hospital for 25 days, struggling for her life.  We were going back and forth to the hospital trying to take care of our other 3 children but wanting to spend every possible moment with her, not knowing if she would live or die.  Up to that point in my life, I had never prayed more or with more sincerity.   I learned a significant lesson to trust in Heavenly Father, to accept his will, to put everything in His hands and have faith that He knows what is best, for Ramsay, for me and for our family.  This is only one of the many times I’ve had opportunity to exercise my faith as a mother and have had my faith strengthened through prayer. 

As a mother, I’ve learned to have joy and peace in my life:  You can go around being grumpy and miserable all the time or you can choose to be happy.  If we focus mainly on the negative events, or the faults of our children, or our loved ones, or even strangers, we will miss seeing all the wonderful joyful things that life has to offer.  By focusing on our blessings and choosing to see the positive qualities in our children, and in others, we will be so much happier and that allows everyone around us to be happier.  A mother has a great influence on the atmosphere in her home.  Gloom and misery, or joy and peace!  It’s a choice!!!

As a mother, I’ve learned the importance of the Atonement:  I have a great concern about the physical and spiritual safety of my children.  I want to protect them from the evils of the world and the temptations of Satan.  I know that the best way to protect them is to help them to develop and strengthen their own testimony of the Savior and His atonement.  As I strive to instill these principles into the hearts of my children, my own testimony of the Savior is strengthened and I am better able to share it with others.

As a mother, I’ve learned to love and to be loved in return:   Mom’s love their kids!  It is said that along with the basic necessities of food, clothing and shelter, we all need love.  As I’ve prepared for this talk, I asked several great women what they’ve learned as a mom.  There were lots of cute answers… my sister said she learned that she was usually not right about anything… most moms can probably relate to that.  But the most common answer was, that there’s nothing better than a hug.  Kids, there’s nothing greater to a mom, than getting a hug from her child.  Mom’s love your little handmade gifts, and even your purchased ones, but think about this… a hug is free!  It doesn’t cost you anything!  And it doesn’t matter how old you are… whatever else you’ve given your mom today, give her a hug!  You will make her day!  And don’t just do it today, do it often!  She does so much for you… because she loves you. 

I’ve also learned that Heavenly Father loves each of his children no matter what!  When we are unlovable to most everyone else around us, Heavenly Father still loves us.  He wants us to be happy and he will help us if we ask Him.  As a mother, I sometimes feel there is a limit to what I can do to help my children.   When I feel that way, I pray for Heavenly Father to help them.  He knows what they need.  They are His children, too.  He has the capability to help them beyond my own abilities.  He can help them to overcome their greatest trials and their darkest moments.  Heavenly Father loves His children, and when a mother’s abilities are limited, she should turn to Him on behalf of her children.

(I then bore my testimony... which I will not share at this time.)